literature

A New Beginning - Prologue

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Smoke filled the air.  I screamed out his name, but there was no response.  Only silence echoed back to me.

I ran through the trees, sounds jumping out at me in disaccord.  Ragged breathing.  Heart pumping.  Twigs snapping underfoot.  The cries of the men following me.  Hunting me down.  Trying to capture me and deliver my well-deserved punishment.  But I wasn't like a lamb set before the altar.  I would not deliver myself willingly.  

His face floated in my mind's eye.  Those eyes glinting in the firelight.   His blood staining my hands.   I bit back a scream.  He was not dead!  He couldn't be dead!

But there was only one thing to greet me when I entered the clearing.   A huddled form that remained unmoving.  I was too late.  Always too late.  Each time I tied to run faster, but I never could be fast enough.  I was never strong enough to make it in time to save him.  And that would never change.

It was hard to live in the present.  Kai's words never fully convinced me.  Those last moments were just too final.  I took to retreating away from the others.  Spending more and more time alone.  Until that day Kai presented a brilliant idea.  But I had to take care of one last thing first.

Soon I was alone with my thoughts, nothing but a blank page before me.  I had the solution.  At least I think I finally had the solution.  But I couldn't think of how to tell him and whenever I tried, I would ruin each letter with my tears.  But finally, I wrote something manageable:

Will-

I have little time left, and I've tried this so many times that I lost count.  But that couldn't stop me from leaving one last message for you.  The past will eventually be erased and the future unattainable.  All that will remain is the present.  Something that is bleak and uncertain.  Especially since you will never be here with me.

I used to think that love was a joke.   My mother was such a horrible example of what romance could be like.  She never showed me the potential of a relationship.  But despite this flaw, I gave you a chance.  A chance that she had actually forced upon me.  Perhaps she knew more that I ever gave her credit for.   

Life has been so empty since you left.  Well that's to put it mildly.  Since I killed you.  Murdered you in cold blood.  Ripped out my own heart and stopped your own.

Could you ever believe that I didn't mean to?  You're beyond the point of believing by now, but I have to try to correct some of those wrongs.  Try to fix something.  Improve this legacy that I left behind.  

I would give everything to change that day.  If only I had insisted that you come with me to visit your mother.  Then together we might have been able to stop everything then.  Or maybe, just maybe, I should have ran away with you.  At least then we would be together.  I ran as it is.  Ran away from my responsibilities, from my future, from my happiness.  Everything.

It's been years and these years have been hard on everyone.  Our countries are in shambles and it's all my fault.  That's a lot of responsibility to shoulder, I know, and you would just tell me that I was wrong.  But it's no matter.  It happened.  And I need to change that.

Kai has a plan.  It's just that this plan might cause me to forget certain things.  Alright, this plan might cause me to forget everything.   We won't know until we try.  But if we succeed, it will reveal the way to end this nightmare.  And we have to at least try.  

But as I've understood it, though I will forget the details, some things will never change.  I hope that in time you could let yourself move on from what I did to you, wherever you may be at the moment, whatever that realm may be.  I know that at some time we will meet again, I just hope that in that moment you will no longer hate me.  For though I hate myself, I will never stop loving you.  I will be yours.  Always.

Please know that all of this, this was all for you.

I just hope that someday you can forgive me.
I'm actually uploading something? Shocker, right? A life update will be coming soon, some rather unexpected things happened and the direction my life was headed completely shifted, so there is plenty to talk about.

This was an idea I had for the prologue of my current book, which is what I officially decided is my next project (though Shattering Glass is making its case pretty strongly; Shattering Glass is my tentative title for the novel that based upon [link] ). I intended this piece to be somewhat dreamlike/nightmarish. The main character's mind is in shambles and I wanted the flow of the narrative to follow that mindset. I don't know if I succeeded, but that was the intention.

I'll admit that this is pretty rough, I only went through it quickly for some superficial grammatical edits. I've been busy editing my other novel, so I couldn't denote too much time into this project quite yet, but I'll be able to soon enough. This book should move a lot faster than my last one; so I'm hoping to finish it within the year as opposed to within the two and a half year span it took me to write the first draft of my other one.

Anyways, all thoughts are appreciated and I'll try to respond to all comments. (I'm going through my several thousand messages now - that's what I get for taking a break from the the internet for awhile).
© 2012 - 2024 allieryan
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Savvy23's avatar
Ooo I think I read this on your blog. awesome! ^^