Creative Writing Assignment

Click, tap, click, tap, tap, tap. Backspace.

Ugh!  I can't seem to start this story assignment.  It only has to be just over two pages!

The street lights flickered menacingly.

Wait, street lights can't be a menace.  All they ever do is just stand there in the open.  Unless I have them all come alive and attack the unsuspecting people.  Delete!

The dark alley loomed overhead in the flickering light.

An alley loomed overhead?  What kind of writing was that?  The alley was floating?  And after it was floating merrily in the twilight all day it could join the flying house for a tea-party.  Humph, let's try again.

It was just like every night.  I was alone, sitting in the dark.

Am I trying to write a depressing story?  I thought I was aiming for a romantic comedy.  My teacher would absolutely love that happy opener.

Everything about my life was perfect.

That's Mary-sue material right there; and Mary-sue needs to get a life.  I just need to write a short romantic story, and yet that seems to be too difficult for my mind.

Once there was a pencil.  The pencil was overjoyed when he met the piece of paper.

A pencil and a piece of paper? Really?  Well, they could make beautiful art together.

He glanced down the hallway.  There she was, with the boyfriend.  When was she ever going to see that the boyfriend was a conniving, cheating jerk?

Hmm, someone's jealous.  Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?  At least this one has potential.

She looked up and smiled when she saw him, causing the boyfriend to glare.  The pair passed by and the boy vowed that he would get revenge.

Revenge; again I go with the negative, dramatic writing.  Think happy thoughts my dear!  Happy thoughts are the key to happiness!  Really, they are; believe me.  Happy equals happiness.  It's amazing.

Steve glanced down the hallway seeing his neighbor walking along with her boyfriend.  Dana was a typical girl that just so happened to hold Steve's heart.  The boyfriend glared at Steve as they passed by, before giving a suggestive wink to Abby at Steve's side.  Abby sighed as Steve tried not to stiffen, while he was oblivious to the boyfriend's action.  Abby was stuck in the role of best friend of Steve, when all she wanted Dana possessed, while Dana's boyfriend didn't even want her.

That's what, a love square?  Way too complicated and confusing.  At least it wasn't dark and depressing.  Oh wait, I forgot to mention how there was a cloaked man holding a scythe in the background ready to beckon the entire group to their deaths.  That would lead to the happily ever after that everyone desires, especially when all four of those characters end up being with someone else and have miserable lives.  It's just hunky-dory.  Now for try 98.639, which I know is a completely accurate number.

Life is like a box-

That's been done, in a much better fashion.

A long time ago, in a gala-

That's much too epic for my story.  

There once was a shoe named Stu.  Stu lived in a box.  He had all sorts of boxy tales and loves.  He married a stiletto named Stella.  Stu and Stella were the happiest pair of shoes alive, until Stu got eaten by a dog.  

Nice, the imagery is just so crystal-clear that I lived through Stella's piercing pain and despair with that sentence alone.  The dog obviously represents the crimes of humanity while Stu represents the starving children in the world.  That one could change nations.

It was an ordinary day.  Everything was boring.  Everything was grey.  Everything was the same as it always was, and it will forever be the same.  Life holds the same meaning.  Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, and go back to sleep.  LOOK, A UNICORN!!!!

I'm so subtle that I didn't even see that one coming.  The all caps weren't a clue either.  At least it holds a fantastical element and an overly large amount of punctuation.  Even if punctuation saves lives that does not mean I need to use four exclamation points.

A writer can start in a variety of ways.  Some beginnings are trite and boring.  The others are, wait for it, still boring.  Apparently I can't write creatively.

Now my thoughts are showing up in my writing and that is just unacceptable!  I just need two pages of creative writing.  My teacher didn't specify what.  I'll have one more go:

Life.  It starts, it ends.  Death.  For some it is a beginning, for others an ending.   

Life and death are the most exciting things I can come up with?  Seriously?  I apparently epically fail.  At life.  Not just spelling without spellchecker or writing creatively but life.  This one assignment proves that I cannot write.  I should just give up on my dream of being an author.  So thank you Mr. Lywill.  Now you have a good reason to fail me; at least I turned something in.  Maybe you won't even read the assignment and I'll get lucky.